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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:53:45 GMT
Well, of course, that could be because he’s shaving his dome so much lately that the hair is actually starting to grow inward — it’s an affliction commonly known as the infro.”"
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:54:08 GMT
No, Carla, men don’t love that. It turns out we don’t love picnics, foreplay, candles, baths, photo albums, or when you drive so that we can relax, and as always we’re not that big on Hugh Jackman. Lookit, the only thing men actually care about as far as dating is concerned is The Chase. If you want that guy to look your way, listen to me carefully, ignore the living hell out of him.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:54:23 GMT
That’s Keith? That kid’s the best intern we’ve got. I’d like to bronze him, turn my office into a Keith-edral and convert to Keith-stianity. And FYI, I still want my pen back.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:54:49 GMT
I know you. You’re gonna walk into that board room tonight, all tall and strong, and then you’re gonna sit back and just pray that nobody asks your opinion. I mean, I’m sure you-you probably think that your little visits here are a spontaneous surprise, but, did you ever wonder why the only two candles that I own are already lit when you walk in that door? I mean, doll, I hate to tell you this but, I don’t walk around all day with cologne down in my engine room. I’m not that guy!
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:55:06 GMT
Fair enough. Why don’t we go ahead and take a look at my personal life? I am in love with a woman that I hate, my two-year-old son calls me Pewwy,” and – this is something that I’ve never actually shared with anybody before, but – on Saturday nights, I like to throw on a nice dress, go out to dive bars, and insist that everybody call me Mrs. Haberdasher!”
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:55:25 GMT
You told ‘em this exact same story and bored ‘em to death?
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:55:37 GMT
The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: I hate my body.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:55:48 GMT
If I actually enjoyed being miserable, then why wouldn’t I stay here talking to you two?
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:56:04 GMT
Do you want me to give you my things I don’t care about” speech again? Because, you know, I’ve updated it to include all white guys who add -izzle to anything.”
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:56:18 GMT
Outstanding! You’re walking away like a pissy little ingrate. I mean, bravo!
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:56:36 GMT
Pssst! Barbie! Listen carefully, because the policy remains unchanged: Unless someone is dying – and puh-lease note ‘dying’ not ‘dead’ – I’m not interested.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:56:47 GMT
Or…maybe you could pressure him, get dumped, throw on fifty pounds, start collecting knick-knacks and meet your future now. You know…before the loneliness burns too much? Wooooo-ohhhhh! Gosh, I did enjoy that!
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:57:03 GMT
I’ll drink to hate.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:57:14 GMT
Listen, there, scrub-brush, it just so happens it was the only empty seat in the whole joint. And besides, as a fellow abusive drinker, you are honor bound by barstool protocol to listen to every last word out of my mouth.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 0:57:29 GMT
Fine. Fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine. You wanna know the real skinny? If you want to be good doctors and nurses, you damn-sure better get ready to get in trouble – a lot. Because patients are stupid, and they are really scared. And some of them need you to hold their hands, and you should. Others need you to kick their asses, and you absolutely should do that, too. But, it really all just comes down to whether or not you got the guts to say just exactly what you know in your heart of hearts you really should say.
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