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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:05:27 GMT
That and your amazing ability to switch back and forth seamlessly between male and female genitalia.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:05:38 GMT
Hey, Girl’s Name!
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:06:04 GMT
All right, Lester, we’re having this out right here, right now! Oh, for the love of God! What’s this, some pansy get in touch with my feelings because my mommy didn’t love me” group?”
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:06:29 GMT
Listen up, there, Molly Menopause, I need you to quiet the hell down, you’re scaring everyone in the hospital. I mean, my God – they’re delivering a baby upstairs, and the poor kid’s using the umbilical cord to crawl the hell back in.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:06:50 GMT
This is my new imaginary warning light. Whenever it starts blinking, a situation has ten seconds to resolve itself before I flash white with rage and kill someone.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:07:18 GMT
In the brief eighteen months that Jordan and I weren’t together, how many of you had your way with her? Bear in mind, I’m gonna need absolute honesty here or I will brain you. – Anyway, whoever taught Jordan that reverse cowgirl position…it’s long overdue, but thank you.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:08:00 GMT
There, you win. You can ahead and do your victory dance or slaughter a goat or whatever it is you do when you’re happy.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:08:12 GMT
Carla, cut the guy some slack. Surgery is not as easy as it looks. I mean, he’s gotta make the incision, cut the wrong artery, panic, collapse into a ball of tears in the corner, and after all that he’s gotta go wash up, check the board, and find out who he’ll be killing after lunch. It’s…a grind.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:08:41 GMT
You got so much Botox in your expressionless face, I can’t tell.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:08:58 GMT
Oh, hey, Bob, here’s an idea: What say you stop showing up altogether? We’ll just replace you with a giant time-clock. Oh, and if we ever get to missing you, we’ll just have a tiny little Bob Kelso cuckoo bird pop out every couple of minutes and say I’ve never satisfied a woman. I’ve never satisfied a woman. I’ve never satisfied a woman.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:09:26 GMT
Or…maybe you could pressure him, get dumped, throw on fifty pounds, start collecting knick-knacks and meet your future now. You know…before the loneliness burns too much? Wooooo-ohhhhh! Gosh, I did enjoy that!
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:09:50 GMT
I can’t stop thinking about putting up with you.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:10:09 GMT
Oh, come on, you gotta focus on the positives. For instance, the medical miracle that is one woman actually impregnating another woman.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:10:19 GMT
If I’m not back in twenty minutes, I don’t want you to worry because it simply means I drove by a prostitute on the way home.
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Post by Diggy Diesel J Jim Bomb Lynch on Apr 25, 2015 1:10:32 GMT
I know that the very idea of you doing a favor for me makes those ass cheeks clench up so tight that you could shove a lump of coal up there and probably crap out a diamond!
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